Going it Alone
by Eilidh17
Summary: From a challenge on the Stargate Drabbles List. To write a story about a character but without mentioning their name. In short... Daniel has touched something again.


**Going it Alone**

"I don't believe it!"

"Sir?"

"Carter, refresh my memory. How many times have I told him not to touch things without us checking them out first? How many?"

"Without knowing exactly who you're talking about, I can't really say."

"Not knowing?" Jack blinked his surprise. "Who the hell do you think I'm talking about?"

Sam replied with a half-hearted shrug, "Teal'c?"

"Since when do I have to tell Teal'c not to touch something?"

"Well, there was the time he tried to shave your head."

"Besides that." Jack ran fingers through his hair subconsciously.

"The chilli chicken incident in the commissary?"

"Oy vey…"

"So, I take it the quartermaster hasn't forgiven you yet, sir?"

"Who knew the guy would hold a grudge over something as simple as a bulk toilet paper requisition after all these years."

"Teal'c did go through quite a lot… you know… _after_…"

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, but why the fall out from one Jaffa fart should require the presence of a hazmat team still amuses me."

"Appropriate use of unit resources?" Sam suggested helpfully, only to be met with a flat stare from Jack. "Okay, maybe not."

"The point is, Carter, I told him not to touch. Positively extolled the virtues of him leaving his fingers out of mental reach of his curiosity, but what did he do?"

"Touched something?"

"And not just _any_ something."

"Just to be clear here, sir, we're not talking about Teal'c?"

Jack made no attempt to hide his confusion. "I don't understand where in all of this you got the impression we _were_ talking about Teal'c?"

"Well, sir, you can be confusing at times, especially when something has you all riled up."

"Riled up ain't the half of it. I can't believe the little shit actually thought he could go behind my back and do something like this!"

"Ah," Sam mused thoughtfully, "so, not Teal'c."

"Really? What was the clue?"

"You said 'little', sir, which would infer someone smaller than Teal'c."

Jack's snark-o-meter hit an all time pinging high. "Anyone come to mind, Carter? Maybe someone with blue eyes and a few PhDs to his name?"

Sam rubbed her thumb on her chin in thought. "Well, there is Doctor Lee…"

"What?"

"Blue eyes, multiple PhDs… though I think Bill only has the one—"

"Carter!" Jack clicked his fingers in front of her face. "Do the words performance appraisal mean anything to you?"

Sam fought to school her features. "Sorry, sir. You were saying?"

"I was saying that I told him to leave it; put the damn thing away and let the boys at Area 51 waste their not so inconsiderable brain cells on solving the problem, but did he listen to me?"

"I'm thinking no."

"Waited until I'd left his office and ordered the crate be brought back up from the loading bay."

"Which artifact are we talking about?"

"You know the one." Jack rolled his hand over and over as he tried to remember. "The one Griff's boys brought back from P3… P2… R2D2… That place with the bio-orgasmic dome!"

"Bio-organic," Sam corrected without even blinking at the obvious faux pas.

"That, too."

"Sorry, sir. I wasn't there when Major Griff and his team returned."

"So you don't know about the artifact?"

"Not a thing."

Jack hooked a stool with his foot and sat down heavily. "I figured there had to be more to this than a simple case of archaeological interest, but I guess I was wrong."

"In what way?"

"Bio-orgasmic wasn't far from the truth. According to Fraiser, the artifact in question is covered in the same compound that dusts the rest of the planet. Said it was some exotic plant pollen… or snake oil. I don't know."

"And he touched it?"

"Touched it? Hell, Carter, when I found him he was hugging the damn thing!"

Sam smiled around a grimace. "Ah, I don't suppose Janet has been able to analyse the compound?"

"Oh, that's the good part. She has. According to her report, Pollen Boy has come into contact with enough of this crap to keep him wiped out in eternal happiness for the next week or so."

"You mean he's high?" Sam looked suitably aghast.

"Better than high, Carter… he's in what would best be described as a combination of pre and post-coital bliss. Fraiser has him locked in quarantine with a few DVDs and magazines to help him out, but he's pretty much on his own."

Sam quickly shut down her laptop and slipped off her stool. "This is gonna be great!"

"Whoa! What part of quarantine did you not get, Carter?"

"Quarantine? Oh, no, I'm talking about the artifact. Who knows what other properties Janet's tests might not have picked up on. I mean there could be some other contagion even more stringent than the one he's been exposed to that could place the whole base in jeopardy. I need to get my hands on—"

"Aht! Jack raised a hand to stop her. "Touching is what got him in trouble in the first place. Do you want to end up in quarantine and perpetually horny for the next week?"

Sam took a hesitant step towards the door, visually closing the gap in her mind as she tried to imagine what was happening in quarantine. "That would be bad, sir, very bad."

The End


End file.
